Music has always moved me. This isn’t the first time I’ve written a blog based on something God has revealed to me through song lyrics, and I have a feeling it won’t be the last.

About a year ago, I heard Benjamin William Hastings’ song Still See You In It for the first time, and it brought me to tears almost immediately. There was something about the honesty of it that caught me off guard. It beautifully and painfully paints a picture of ministry—the ups and downs of serving a perfect God alongside imperfect people, and how those wires sometimes get crossed.

The song talks about how the artist has experienced lots of things in the church and in ministry. He has been blessed and cursed, healed and hurt, seen beautiful things happen and watched painful things happen too. And then it keeps coming back to this simple thought: “I still see You (Jesus) in it.”

I’ve had the privilege of working for several ministries over the years, which has given me the opportunity to see a little bit of what happens behind the curtain, so to speak. I’ve been incredibly blessed to serve under people with tremendous integrity- people whose private lives reflected what they preached publicly and who genuinely loved Jesus and the people they served.

But I’ve also seen the other side of ministry. I’ve seen situations that were difficult and disappointing. I’ve seen people who presented one version of themselves publicly while living very differently behind the scenes. I’ve seen people love others beautifully, and I’ve seen people hurt others deeply.

So I understand church hurt. And I know that for some people, their experiences with the church have been incredibly painful.

But when I think about church hurt, I also think about something that happened to me when I was seventeen. I’ve seen what the church can look like when it gets it right.

I got pregnant my senior year of high school.

My family attended a very traditional Missionary Baptist church, and I was absolutely terrified of how everyone would respond when they found out. I knew I had made a decision that was wrong, and I was already bracing myself for the judgment. I expected disappointment. I expected people to look at me differently. I expected to feel ashamed every time I walked through those church doors.

Instead, they loved me.

And not in a way that ignored what had happened. They knew I had sinned. I knew I had sinned. But they didn’t treat me like my sin had made me unworthy of love.

In fact, they showered me with love (literally).

They threw me a baby shower.

I still think about that sometimes. In a situation where the church could have caused me a tremendous amount of hurt, they chose to surround me with grace instead.

And honestly, I believe that kindness was part of the beginning of repentance in my life.

Romans 2:4 says that God’s kindness is intended to lead us to repentance, and I think I experienced a little glimpse of that firsthand. Their grace didn’t make me want to continue in my sin. It made me want to know the God who had given me people who could love me in the middle of my mess.

That experience shaped me more than I probably realized at the time. I think it is one of the reasons I love the church and its people so much today. I know what it feels like to be expecting judgment and receive grace instead.

And maybe that’s why church hurt is so complicated for me. Again, I’ve seen what the church can look like when it gets it right, and I’ve also seen what happens when we don’t.

Because the truth is, people are people.

We are broken. We are sinful. We are capable of incredible kindness, but we are also capable of incredible hurt. Even people who genuinely love Jesus can get things wrong. Sometimes very wrong.

And that’s where I think we have to be careful not to confuse Jesus with the people who represent Him.

People are not Jesus.

A pastor isn’t Jesus. A ministry leader isn’t Jesus. A church isn’t Jesus. Your favorite worship leader isn’t Jesus. And the person who hurt you while claiming to represent Christ isn’t Jesus

We are all people in desperate need of the same Savior.

That doesn’t mean church hurt isn’t real, and it doesn’t mean we should excuse harmful behavior or pretend something didn’t happen. Sometimes boundaries are necessary. Sometimes people need to leave unhealthy situations. Sometimes there are things that need to be confronted honestly.

What I am saying is that failures of people do not change who Jesus is.

If someone who claimed to follow Jesus was unkind to you, Jesus is still kind.

If someone broke your trust, Jesus is still trustworthy.

If someone used Scripture to hurt you, Jesus is still the Truth.

If someone who preached grace didn’t extend it to you, Jesus is still full of grace.

And that is where I keep coming back to that line: “I still see You in it.”

Because even in the mess, I have seen Jesus.

I’ve seen Him in people who quietly serve without recognition. I’ve seen Him in pastors who genuinely love their people. I’ve seen Him in friends who show up when life falls apart.

I’ve seen Him in people who have been deeply wounded by the church and somehow still choose to love Jesus.

And I’ve seen Him in my own story.

I’ve seen Him in a group of people who could have made one of the most vulnerable seasons of my teenage life incredibly painful, but instead chose to love me well.

That’s the part I don’t want to lose when we talk about church hurt.

We don’t have to pretend the ugly things aren’t ugly. We don’t have to excuse hypocrisy or minimize someone’s pain just because the church is made up of sinners. But we also don’t have to let the brokenness of people become the lens through which we see Jesus.

Jesus never asked us to put our faith in perfect people. He asked us to put our faith in Him.

And maybe that’s why, after everything I’ve seen behind the curtain, I still love the church. Not because I think the church is perfect. I know better than that.

I love the church because Jesus loves the church and I see Him in it.

I’ve seen Him in the grace.

I’ve seen Him in the repentance.

I’ve seen Him in the forgiveness.

I’ve seen Him in ordinary people choosing to love someone when it would have been easier to judge them.

I’ve seen Him in broken people being changed.

And I’ve seen Him continue to work even when His people get it wrong.

So if you’ve been hurt by the church, I don’t want to give you some easy answer like, “Just forgive and move on.” Your story may be much more complicated than that. You may need time to grieve. You may need boundaries. You may need to find safe people again. You may need to work through some things that happened to you.

But I hope you don’t give up on Jesus because someone failed to look like Him.

Go back to Jesus Himself.

Look at His life. Look at His character. Look at the way He treated the broken and the ashamed. Look at the cross. Look at what He willingly did for people who didn’t deserve it. Look at the empty tomb.

Because people will sometimes (dare I say, often) disappoint us.

Churches will sometimes disappoint us.

But Jesus has never changed.

And after all the beautiful things and all the painful things I’ve seen, I can still sing…

I still see You in it.

Ardently His,

Jenifer

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